November 5, 2016 at 8:58 pm #2825
I did have issues in my childhood. I have Aspergers and ADHD. My parents weren’t sure how to deal with me. My Dad worked a lot and my Mother was left with me a lot and she had problems in her own childhood, and, well, was verbally, and, occasionally, physically, abusive. The physical part has gone away (though even at age 27, the verbal part is still there.) I cannot move out thanks to our lovely politicians who have royally f–ked up the economy. I have spent all my life trying to go into a creative field (writing, computer programming, etc) but all that seems to be around is manual labor and I have NOT prepared myself for that at all and it seems I have to apply for a lot of jobs just to get a stinking interview for those even. I had one hope up when a computer programming job came up, it seemed really promising but then they had a change of management and I have to wait till January at the earliest to move forward with that.
In the past, I used to feel valued when I was commended for getting good grades but now that I’m out of school, I started, as I wasn’t able to find jobs, and the ones I could find are Aspergers unfriendly, uncovering the mess in politics. After countless hours of research, I found a LOT of dirty deeds but my own family seems more concerned with their freaking television and mundane things rather than all the wrong going on.
Another thing is that I started writing stories. I’ve always been creative as a child and my worst fear is that I’m going to be forced, thanks to the a-holes in politics, into a field of job that pays little and that squashes that creativity for good and that I’ll be stuck there forever.
I tried to get my family to read my stories. My father read part of them, said he liked them, but when I try to get him to read them, he read part of them, but always claims he is busy and needs to relax (translation: watch Andy Griffith and other reruns for hours at night.) and now, we made a deal that I’d do something and he’d read all my stories. I’ve kept up, at least part of my end (though I stopped trying to hard when it was clear that he was going to keep using BS excuses on his end.) I’m really at a VERY LOW self-esteem and feel that he’s being DELIBERATELY emotionally neglectful.
He left me to suffer with my mother as a child and now is ignoring me as an adult. I cannot move out due to financial reasons, but the very people I thought would be there for me when I REALLY needed it are shunning me (or so it seems.) I want to block them out of my life.
I even, today in anger, blocked Dad on Facebook (though I unblocked him before he could find out.) I’m feeling unloved.
Also, I feel that my brother, who, to my disgust, is doing quite well in life it seems, is getting more attention from them than me. I feel like a failure and it seems they just DON’T get it.
At times, I’ve told him how unhinged I was getting and he suggested committing me to an institution, so I stopped talking out of fear, and that only made things deteriorate to where they are now.November 5, 2016 at 9:04 pm #2826
Don’t think I’m crazy or anything, it’s just that I’m suffering from massive depression and feel that I’m being neglected.November 5, 2016 at 10:17 pm #2827
You don’t have to be alone!November 5, 2016 at 10:26 pm #2828
You see I have aspergers too! Life wasn’t always easy but through friends family and courage I got through it. Don’t feel so bad. I know how it feels. OTHERS call you retarded and they don’t realize how dehumanizing that word is. Just like calling an African American n…. Oh the hardships I’ve b=n through. Expelled twice, been to a tharapeutic treatment center for suicidal and homicidal people. BUT just remember this, courage is all you need. Find it and your spirit will be free. Look up the song It’s Called Courage from a movie called Dazzle the dinosaur. it brought me courage when I was in Utah, 800 miles from home in a tharapeutic treatment center for 4 1/2 months. Also look at these songs from LBT. You Don’t have to be alone and Look for the light.
Attachments:November 5, 2016 at 11:17 pm #2830
Thanks. I did talk to my father tonight. It seemed he FINALLY got it that all I needed was to have my stories heard and listened to and he finally listened to them and liked them a lot.
I haven’t been expelled before. I have been sent home as a kid though in first grade. One time it was due to a mistake (I was swinging my feet like Pinnochio, trying to do a dance I saw from the movie, and accidentally kicked the teachers aide in the tush.) Another time I got sent home because I was singing the Meow Mix sing during lunch hour and a lunch lady teachers aide asked me to stop, and, being upset, I hit her…with my woolen hat. (I was only 6.)
I was actually an honors students all the way through college. It’s now feeling like a failure as even the most menial jobs won’t hire me that seems to unhinge me, feeling like I wasted all those years in school after 16, when I legally could have dropped out and still been available for the same jobs I only seem to have a chance of getting now. Now, with Bachelors in Computer Science, Associates in Arts, and Associates in Science, I seem to be overqualified and thus deemed a flight risk for the lower jobs, but, in part because of not driving and not living in urban areas, I didn’t get an internship during college and thus “don’t have enough experience” to get the higher level jobs. And my job coach isn’t the most helpful. She sometimes seems to be pressing me toward receptionist and things like that, even though I am not sure I can handle those.
Also, she was kinda unkind to me after a certain incident. I had scheduled a phone interview with a company and I had told them in advance that I could do before certain days or after them. They knew it. The day before I was to have the phone interview, they called and rescheduled that interview to the first day I had said no. I told them that that wouldn’t work and that it would have to be the first day of the family campout. I don’t even know if the place where the campout is gets phone service. (It didn’t in the past, though I think it sometimes does now.)
So I went to the campout and came back and then called the company like I said I would. They said they were out and to call back later. So I did and they said “Oh, we hired already. Sorry.” So I told my job coach this and she kinda acted like it was all MY fault and said that I should have shown I was willing to work with them by being more flexible.
I said that I had a campout and that I, though I didn’t say what, had told the company BEFORE they had to reschedule, that such and such times were OFF. I then said “What if I had my own wedding that day? Should I reschedule to make the company happy?” And she said something like “Well, after your wedding, you’d still have bills to pay, so yes.” And I said something like “Well, if the company is THAT demanding, then I don’t think I want to work for them anyway.” and we got into an argument. She’s done a few other weird things that have made me less than fond of her. I mean, I had all my experience on my resume, and she and her partner removed it, saying they were knowing what they were doing, but it seems to have hurt me more than helped. Sometimes, I think they’d rather I get a minimum wage job rather than something more my potential just so they can get rid of me.
Also, I happen to know it’s a BIG fat lie that the companies need illegal alien workers and H1B visas. I can show you all of them calling for it and there is NO way there is THAT big of a shortage. It’s just GREED.
Amnesty Supporters: https://patriotmongoose.wordpress.com/2016/10/02/amnesty-supporters/
H1B Visa Pushers: https://patriotmongoose.wordpress.com/2016/10/06/h1b-visa-pushers/
Also, I’ve kept track of those outsourcing. Some are doing it because the EPA, one of the highest corporate income taxes around, etc are driving them out, and others I think are doing it because, you guessed it, GREED: https://patriotmongoose.wordpress.com/2016/10/23/companies-outsourcing/
And, based on all of this information about jobs and stuff that I collected, that the private sector is going downhill: https://patriotmongoose.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/so-whats-going-on-with-the-economy/
Even my father, who worked at a job for many years, and was hoping to retire at a certain company, has been shafted greatly (they decided to cut his commission and are making silly rules that took the joy out of his job, and this was at one of the places that is NOT on the bad guy list I have and NOT reported to be bad, but is listed as “average” or even “above average” on the reviews online. All the ones I see that I could qualify for, by the way, are “average” or “below average” ratings, so that should tell you what I have to look forward to in this Obama economy (and, I have reason to believe Hillary is going to win the election, legitimately or by cheating.)
So I guessed that the future belongs to those who can either start their own business or can be creative and do something like writing, etc. The others will be begging the Elitists to get increasingly fewer jobs for increasingly terrible wages and conditions. As I seem to have a knack for writing talent, my father’s seeming lack of interest seemed like a big FU to me. Hopefully tonight has begun an improvement.
(Also, it wasn’t just my father. I tried reading my cousins my stories, but they seemed to get distracted after like 10 minutes, even the teenage ones that should have been more mature, further causing me to feel bad.)November 6, 2016 at 10:27 am #2832
I read your stories. I love them!November 6, 2016 at 12:24 pm #2852
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